Skylar Spence in Orbit
Breaking news: musician Skylar Spence believes he was abducted by aliens last night after he woke up feeling a strong and other worldly connection with the paranormal.
Due to an overwhelming amount of evidence, the CIA will further their investigation into Spence’s allegations. Spence has been placed in protective custody to ensure no further abduction, as he claims he escaped, and the aliens were not finished with their testing.
The CIA wanted to keep Spence off all social media to avoid chaos spreading. But due to a CIA agent being a Spence groupie, the agent gave Spence his phone to allow one tweet. Spence’s tweet had no words, just a picture of an alien DJ to which he claims: “That little alien dude kept playing ‘Fiona Coyne’ on repeat for all his little alien homies.”
Once the tweet went viral 23 hours ago, the U.S. went into a destructive turmoil of alien enthusiasts tweeting about their abductions, Area 51 harboring extraterrestrials, and alien involvement in building the pyramids. Some tweeted about the movie Independence Day, stating the outcome of the movie is inevitable and only Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum could save the world.
According to Spence, after the alien rave was over, “they took me to an operating table and harassed me with awful puns and memes.” Certainly, this would make anyone clinically insane and shows enough evidence due to suction cup marks on his forehead.
President Donald Trump is infuriated by Spence’s allegation of alien abduction for a multitude of illogical reasoning. His main two reasons: if his wall is built, alien abductions will decrease drastically, and due to the lack of attention on himself, he is “upset.”
Other nation leaders have sent their hopes and prayers to Spence after seeing his tweet. South Korean dictator Kim Jong Un sent a “Get Well Card,” while Russian President Vladimir Putin sent one as well, also writing, “Aliens are behind the 2016 election, not Russia.”
As America begins to unravel, the future is uncertain, yet destined for social media annihilation. Spence will remain at an unknown location for further investigation.
This is Anderson Cooper signing off… Godspeed.
